My Christmas List

I promised someone I would write a blog during Thanksgiving break (which starts tomorrow) but my brain is pretty fried from everything going on these days and I am kind of lacking the creativity for a good blog. Soooo. Here is my Christmas list! I figured the things I am asking for for Christmas might be a good indicator of the things going on in my life.

1. Ipod player (I am getting a single room next semester and up to this point I have always used my roommate's speakers.)
2. Camera (Mine is somewhere in Cuba. I CANNOT believe that in January it will have been a year since I went on my Costa Rica adventure. SO crazy.)
3. Nice clothes (I student teach next semester, which kind of means real life, which kind of means I need to look nice every day. I wear jeans and a t-shirt pretty much every days so this is going to be a big change in lifestyle for me :)
4. Earrings (see #3)
5. Small silver chain necklace. I've seen a lot of girls wear a small silver necklace every day (no matter what they are wearing)....aaaand I kinda like it!
6. Lawn chair (prefferably two). Like those fold out cloth ones that soccer moms have. For baseball games, hanging outside, prolly a good thing to have, etc.
7. Danielle's Best Friendship. (I have people in my room all the time talking and hanging out. My friend Danielle saw my list on my desk so she decided to contribute this one).
8. Bocce ball. I like outside games.
9. A wooden box with a bunch of different flavors of tea. I've really gotten into tea lately. I just think one of these would be really cool so when I'm old I can have people over and let them choose their tea (even though lately my friends have confessed they really hate tea).
10. Very Sexy perfume from Victorias Secret. (no comment.)
11. Sharpies. You can never have enough Sharpies.

Don't get me wrong. I don't expect all this for Christmas. I don't expect any of it actually...I have more than enough right now. In fact this is the first real Christmas list I've made in like four years.
So that's whats going on! Life is getting pretty exciting considering I graduate in May. Hopefully I'll have exciting blogs to follow! Haha peace.

We were given this reminder- it's called the Sabbath- some people call it Sunday- some people call it other things- but it's a reminder that we don't hold the universe together- God does. But you would never know it with all our running around trying to get to the bottom of our to-do list.
One of the biggest things I was looking foreward in coming back to school was living in the same place for more than three weeks (since it literally hasn't happened since December). I was looking foreward to unpacking, having a schedule, getting things done, and having a routine.

Routines are comfortable.

Routines let me know what is coming next, and put me in control.

But routines are not always good, Mark Batterson puts it best:

"Good routines become bad routines if we don't change
the routine. One of the greatest dangers we face spiritually is learning how and forgetting why."

So here is the challenge: change your routine this week. Wake up earlier, sleep in later, drive a different way, walk instead of drive, eat with someone new, start a book, change your workout, call someone every day just to talk, take a nap, go somewhere you havn't been in a while, spend your money differently, it doesnt have to be a drastic change (it can be if you want) but

do something different.

I guarentee when you change your routine you will see something different. You might remember why instead of just going about your day because well...its the same thing you have always done. I bet when you start remembering why you do things- your day becomes a lot more intentional- and you see things you never saw before. And I bet you realize you can schedule whatever you want, and make lists, but I bet you realize how much is actually going on around you that you have no control over. And I bet you realize your overwhelming need for your creator.

"Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the
reach of His grace. And you best days are never so good that you are
beyond the need of God's grace. Every day should be a day of relating to
God on the basis of His grace alone." -Jerry Bridges

"You are not intended to be a spiritual zoo where people can look at God in you from a safe distance. You are a jungle where the Spirit roams wild and free in your life! You are the recipient of the God who cannot be tamed and of a faith must not be tamed. You are no longer a prisoner of time and space but a citizen of the Kingdom of God- a resident of the barbarian tribe. God is not a sedative that keeps you calm and under control by dulling your senses. He does quite the opposite. He awakens your spirit to be truly alive...you are most fully alive when you're on an adventure with God." -Erwin Raphael McManus from The Barbarian Way

In other words:

Jesus said in John 10:10 "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

This summer has been quite the journey…quite the adventure. It is interesting I say that after returning from a foreign contry where I bathed in rivers, rode donkeys, spoke a different language, and was far from anything familiar for 4 months. Yes- that was a journey-but this summer was an adventure in itself.

It was, and still is, an adventure of putting the pieces back together. There is a reason I didn’t write a lot about what I was thinking this summer- mostly because I had no idea what I was thinking. Everything I ever believed was questioned in Costa Rica. I had to seriously wrestle with everything I was once so confident in- and things I always promised myself were non-negotiables.

For example- Jesus. I educated myself to the point that I began seriously questioning whether Jesus really is the only way. One of those foundational things we shouldn’t DARE question…right? But I did- and that is just one example. While I never thought for a second about walking away from my faith all together- I had some serious wrestling to do. If I am honest- I still have a lot to work through- a lot of pieces to put back together. It’s part of the adventure that isn’t always fun- but I think this is part of the adventure that makes me stronger for what comes next.

In a time when I don’t know much about anything…and I am not quite sure about what I believe…here is what I know…and this is sometimes the ONLY thing I can say with confidence: My life is very full. I have been given life. Not just breathing oxygen in and out type of life because every human can do that…but REAL life- FULL life- a life that makes me loose my breath sometimes because I couldn’t have dreamed of this. That is all I know. And I am starting to realize maybe that is how Jesus wants me to find him again- through life and life to the fullest.

Life is an adventure for me. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

since it looks like i wont be getting married in college...

For some reason I couldn't get to sleep (probably because I am still in awe of how lucky the Cubs got tonight). So I decided what better to do than write a blog informing the entire world of my hopes and dreams.

I am starting to get really freaked out about the "So what are you doing when you graduate?" question. I don't know yet. But here are a list of things I am thinking about/ would absolutely do if the opportunity arose:

(In no particular order)
1. Teach for America
2. Work with CIY Missions as a Program Coordinator
3. Something with International Justice Mission
4. Coach high school volleyball
5. Teach ESL in an urban area
6. Live with my bff Jenny
7. AmeriCorps or some other 1 or 2 year program that puts off getting a real job
8. Something with Spanish- I don't know what
9. I mean... at some point I would like to get married
10. Retirement= open a coffee shop and hang out.

There is also the chance that I won't end up doing any of those things (except for the get married part and the coffee shop part...I'm really hoping for those).
And that is okay.
Up to this point God has given me a pretty adventurous life that I love...so I think I'm okay leaving things up to Him.

Arranged Marriage, Brothers, Cakes and Coffee Shops

Since I dedicated my last post to the Wolf family and I thought I might start a new Blog tradition and dedicate posts to people. So this one goes out to my bff Jenny. Right now Jenny is in the place she loves more than anywhere else on Earth- Pondo Camp in California. My friend Justin tooke her to St.Louis to catch her plane so I dedicate this post to Justin Alderman as well. And I can't dedicate it to Justin without dedicating it to Sam Moses- growing up Sam and Justin were pretty much the only boys my age that were striving to be men of God and that I could look up to. Thanks Guys.

So CIY was great. Working at those conferences is one of my favorite thing to do ever.
I am home for the next three weeks trying to get in shape for volleyball, finish my correspondence class, and spend time with people from home.

Here is the topic for the day: arranged marriage. I guarentee my mom is laughing as she reads this.

What if we suddenly joined parts of South Asia and the Middle East and started having arranged marriages? I realize culture over there has a very different view of women which should be taken into account... but what would dating be like if you could only date someone your parents set you up with? Who would your parents choose? What awkwardness would it get rid of? What would be bad about it? What would you say on the first date?

Hahaha just a thought.

Topic #2: High school boys. I live with one. Don't get me wrong he is a great guy (he is tall and cute and single!) but sometimes I think he has himself convinced that he knows everything about everything. Yesterday he was trying to talk my mom into letting him get a tattoo and he started to ramble off something about history (he really didn't know what he was talking about) and how tattoos are more than just a fad...
Anyway. He wouldn't drop it so I got up and punched him. It's a sad day when your little brother is bigger and stronger than you and can very quickly throw you over his shoulder.

Speaking of brothers....I went on a bike ride with my other brother last night. It was the first time I've been on a bike in five years but it was great! Maybe i'll take up biking later in life.

I also have this secret (not anymore) dream of being a cake decorator. Like wedding cakes or whatever. Thought it might be fun. I also decided instead of retiring I want to open a cute little coffee shop when I'm old.

This whole blog is probably more than you wanted to know. Haha. Maybe next time I'll get serious and make some theological arguement or talk about socialism or something....

Angie is eating ice.

Today I was told that I need to update my blog. So this is just for you Betsy. And for Jude because I got to hold him today and he is so cute and I think he loves me. And I guess if I include Jude I have to include Bill....So I dedicate this blog post to the Wolf Family. Congratulations.

Today I played sand volleyball with Anyssa and Dustin and some of their friends and I was really nervous at first but it ended up being really fun and I miss volleyball and I can't wait till the season starts.

I should have given up the third time I tried to plan this summer because it's turning out nothing like I expected. Ummm I put in my two weeks at Target (so I will have been there for a total of 4 paychecks). Don't get me wrong- I actually really liked working there. Im going to CIY for a week (maybe 2) then going home for the rest of the summer. Im so excited about it too.

Last week I house/dog sat. I learned that I never want a dog in life. It was a great dog...but I just don't want one...Im not a huge fan....does that make me a bad person?

And I DEFINATELY don't want cats. EVER.

I am sharing an apartment with my friend Angie right now. She decided there was nothing good to eat in the kitchen so she is now sitting on the couch eating ice. Weird.

A lot of times I forget I was just in Costa Rica for 4 months. Its feels so much like a dream and like it never happened.

My roommate got engaged! That will be my third roommate in a row where I am there last roommate before they get married. Hooray for wedding plans!

I'm watching Dead Poets Society for the first time. It's great. I decided that Dead Poets Society is the boy version and Mona Lisa Smile is the girl version of pretty close to the same movie. I LOVE them both a lot.

Tomorrow I am going for my second attempt at Gallo Pinto (the rice and bean mix from Costa Rica). Buenos suerte a mi.

I have one semester left of real college (then a semester of student teaching). That's weird. I'm not old enough for that.

I have two new favorite songs: "I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas and "Waking Up In Vegas" by Katy Perry

Thanks to everyone who still reads this! Love ya!

RIP

I got a TON of my hair cut today. 10.5 inches to be exact. I didn't even know my hair was that long. I kind of freaked out a little bit when she cut the entire pony tail off. I mean I know it will grow back but....my long hair has been with me through a lot. Yes, I've gotten hair cuts....but I thought I would take a little time in rememberance of where that hair has gone with me. RIP.

54 volleyball games
20 trips from Bloomington, IL to Knoxville, TN
18 different states
16 CIY conferences
4 semesters of college
3 hikes in the Smokey Mountains
2 friend's weddings
2 inner-City girls volleyball championships as coach
1 year of class presidency
1 U.S. presidential election
1 5K run on Thanksgiving day
1 21st birthday
Costa Rica
Nicaragua
Cuba
Life in an apartment by myself
A cashier at Target

I completely copied and pasted this from Mike Baker's blog. I did not make it up or find in on my own.

If I'm contagious and I sneeze, but no one is around; they won't get what I've got.
AND
If I'm not contagious and I sneeze all over a bunch of people; they won't get what I don't have.

for those still interested

I havn't updated this in a while- I don't really have a reason either. I am living in Knoxville this summer and loving it. I'm working at Target, helping two Muslim girls from Africa get ready for an English test, and hanging out with my friends.

Tonight I layed out on a hammock and got the crazy idea to go back and read my journals from last semester. It was the first time I've actually let myself sit and think about where I've come since my time in Latin America. I laughed at some things that I forgot about...and I cried about some things I missed. But I forgot I wrote this journal on the plane back to Miami:

"4-21 El fin
I just took off from Latin America. In 2 hours ill be back to the U.S.- back to extreme capitalism, consumerism, wealth, poverty, and all the people I love most. It's one of the most bittersweet things I've ever gone through. I've wanted to cry a lot because I dont want who Ive become to change. Im not very confident things will stick when I get back to the small world of Johnson Bible College where stupid things are analyzed and important things are ignored or covered up. I want my heart to stay in the place it is here...and I want to be who I am here: a hippie who loves peace, a fighter for those without a voice, a critic of the norm, a student, a 21 year old who loves to laugh, someone who forgives, a listener, proud of my country, a fan of socialism, and more.
The past 4 months already feel like a dream. Before my Papa (grandpa) died he said "so very much as happened," and sometimes that is all I feel like I can say. Good and bad as happened. Things I regret and things I want to remember forever. They happened and I am so thankful. I said in another journal that some of the greatest moments I had here are the ones I won't be able to explain. I'll talk about them as best as I can to the few people who actually care. And ill keep my eyes open for moments that bring me back to those 'sentidos'..."

I learned that crazy bizarre things don't just happen in other countries.

The other day my friend Kyle and I were driving to Pigeon Forge and I had my hand/arm out the window (so the wind would make it go up and down....you've done it before). All of a sudden a bird came and smacked against my hand. Actually I am not positive it was a bird...but it had feathers. Needless to say, my hand stung for a little bit.

So weird. How many people do you know have gotten hit by a bird?